Peck of Pickled Peppers

Listening and Seeing

2010-11-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

I had a moment of clarity yesterday. In Sacrament Meeting, as I listened to the hymn and watched my three children coloring with crayons, I felt very calm and happy. It was like things came into focus, literally, and I could see each of my children more clearly. I rubbed Canon's back a little and felt in my mind the words, "This is where I am supposed to be."

Not good

2010-11-12T09:26:00.001-07:00

I'm a big pregnant jerk. I'm just overflowing with grumpiness and it's spilling over onto those around me. This morning's victim was Benjamin. He's probably thrilled to be at work now, surrounded by men.

Keller wants me to hold him all the time lately. I can't. And I can't just be ok with him climbing all over my stomach, elbowing the baby. But still he follows me from room to room, and I have to tell him no again and again. It makes me feel like a big pregnant jerk.

Today I am going to try to work on laundry and maybe make the dessert that Canon requested. There are a lot of "To Do"s bouncing around in my head. Mostly, though, I think I should just focus on not biting anyone else's head of. I'll still be big and pregnant, but maybe less of a jerk.

Fake Labor Story

2010-11-11T14:31:00.001-07:00

It was almost time to pick up the kids from school and I was kinda dreading it. It's just a lot of work for me, physically. Keller and I needed our shoes on, but as I set Keller on the couch to begin, he got mad. Don't really understand why, but he decided it was a really good time for a tantrum. So I left him to get my own jacket and footwear. Time was ticking, though, so I had to get him ready. If it wasn't so freezing outside I would have just left him barefooted. Bummer.

So I wrestled a crying, kicking Keller into the van. As I buckled him into his seat, a really painful contraction took my breath away and I had to stop for a minute. I closed his door and hobbled over to my side. The two minute drive to the Elementary was fine, Keller sucked on his binky and calmed down. We found a parking spot and I turned off the engine. But trying to get the stroller out of the trunk was tough, my stomach hurt, and I needed to use the bathroom.

The wind blew my scarf off. I bent down to pick it up and felt another sharp ache. There's no way I'm going into labor right now, I thought. My cell phone wasn't even charged.

Kel and I made it inside, slowly, and I signed Canon out of his pre-K class. His teacher looked concerned; she's a really sweet lady and she always notices how I'm feeling. She offered to get Taesya from her class, while Canon's other teacher stayed with the class. I sat on the rotunda steps and breathed as deeply as I could. Keller was strapped into his stroller and Canon stayed by me. When Sini (Canon's teacher) returned with Tae, I asked her if she could call Ben.

It was the craziest situation and there were kids everywhere, but I did my best to just handle the contractions. "When are we going home?" Canon asked. "Soon, buddy," I replied. Oh man, I wanted to get out of there so bad. I mean, who goes into labor at their kids' school?!? It felt like forever, but finally Benny came...

*This story is fictional. While I'm waiting for Jovie to come, I imagine up all kinds of labor situations (not on purpose) and I thought maybe I'd write them up.*

*Update: I wrote this right before I went to pick up the kids for real and it made things seem so much easier than they usually are. I guess if something in life is hard, but then you picture yourself doing that thing while in labor, it makes real life seem like a piece of cake. Interesting.*

Just a letter

2010-11-06T17:42:00.000-06:00

Dear Jovie,

Hey, remember me? I'm that voice you hear all day. I know usually I'm telling your siblings to stop being naughty, or I'm complaining about the mess, or telling Daddy how much things hurt. But I hope you hear those times when I'm being nice, too. I'm a nice mommy, I promise. I love everyone in this family and I will love you so much, too.

Is it cozy in there? Are you warm and snug? I don't want to make you leave somewhere comfortable; I know how rare a feeling that can be. But I sure am excited to see you. And I know Daddy wants his turn to hold his little girl. Being pregnant has been hard on the both of us, but we really try to think of what a beautiful baby you will be. Having you in our arms will be the greatest thing.

You have a big sister and two big brothers. They're really fun kids, once you get used to how noisy they are. But hey, you've been listening to them for months now, so you should be fine. They give lots of hugs and kisses; that's just the way we are in this family. You get to sleep in Taesya's room and hopefully you two girls will become very good friends.

I love you, Jovie. I'm doing my best taking care of you. I sure would like to see you, though. As soon as you're ready; the very second that you are. You're going to be a very special member of this family and you will do great things on this earth. I can tell already that you're a blessing, that you will touch lives. I can't wait to see all you will become, my sweet little Jovie.

Momma loves you so much,
XOXO

I am Strong

2010-11-04T09:16:00.002-06:00

I am strong and brave and I can get through tough times. What are you?

Shamelessly Proud

2010-10-31T16:11:00.003-06:00

I know it's bragging and some people might find it annoying... but my daughter is an adorable genius, and that's really all there is to it. I love that she's confident and she's so into reading; Ben and I are amazed on a daily basis by these children. Tae is rocking Kindergarten -- and that is an adorable giraffe.

Tae got to feed bread to a real giraffe.

October's Close

2010-10-29T08:55:00.002-06:00

Canon turned four this week. Rather than guilt myself into writing an entire post about my son, I would just like to mention that Canon is really great. He's the toughest boy I know with the softest heart. I'm glad he's mine.

Also, I am going to have an awesome day with my witch, ghost, cowboy, and marshmallow. Oh, and my good friend Chocolate. :)

Vampire Cowboy?

Trick or Treating at Benny's Office

Car Quotes

2010-10-28T17:33:00.001-06:00

1. As usual, we were in the car, and Canon was telling Keller how to write a letter O. "Over, around, and close," he told him. But when Keller tried to repeat it back, incorrectly, Canon got frustrated. "You ruined my appetitie, Keller!"

2. Dancing and Singing in the car, the kids really like Enrique Iglesias' "Baby, I like it." They were all jamming out. Then "Tonight's Gunna Be a Good Night" by The Black Eyed Peas came on. I could hear Tae singing. Then she really got into Fergie's solo and exclaimed, "Oh yeah, girl!" I laughed out loud.

My kids must say funny things at home, but I never remember them to tell other people.

Side Note:

2010-10-26T06:51:00.000-06:00

Can I just say that formatting in Blogger makes me want to pull my hair out! The post I just added appears in my "Compose" window to be all Times font, normal size; but that's not what appears when I publish. Ben says Wordpress is better and he has plans to design me a custom site (since I am technically married to a web designer) but I worry that blogging will always be a formatting headache for me.

Pictures, too. The three pictures of my kids appeared in one horizontal line before I published. Sigh. Does anyone else have these troubles? Or am I just too picky?

The Early Bird

2010-10-26T06:36:00.002-06:00

This morning, I am choosing to blog. It wasn't a tough choice, since sleeping was becoming impossibly painful, and my prenatal yoga DVD is lost. So, good morning! I am pleased to report that there is no snow on the grass, unlike yesterday. When Ben informed me of that unfortunate precipitation, my heart fell. Fall just can't be leaving me that fast.

But my boys were excited. And I dutifully bundled them and sent them out to explore. Lacy, as well, seemed super curious about this new wet stuff in our yard.

By the afternoon, the sunshine was back and the sidewalks were dry. I got to enjoy a little more autumn loveliness as I picked up my kiddos from school. Speaking of kiddos:

It feels like Keller and I are always in the car lately. We make a lot of trips to the elementary school for drop-offs and pick-ups. It's gotten so I just smoosh the two older kids names together now and tell Keller, "Let's go in the car to get TaeCanon (or CanTaesya.)" "Go Car," he says, "CanTaesya school." He and I are always always together. So it's a nice change when he has a happy day, rather than a crying/tired day. When he's not throwing a tantrum, that little boy can sure be cute.

It's good for me to take pictures of the smiley moments in life. When I post these images, I remember how much I love my kids. I forget about being oh so very pregnant, for a little while. The happy times in motherhood can sometimes be few and far between, but if you look, you'll see that they are there. I have photographic evidence.

Still a half an hour till the fam wakes up. I was thinking of reading about the pre-existence today. Hope your day is great, or that you find at least a moment of greatness to hang on to.

Lovely song about Love

2010-10-22T19:19:00.002-06:00

"Marry Me" by Train

Makes me happy and smiley about that guy, Benjamin.

And then HE said...

2010-10-19T09:58:00.002-06:00

1. Driving in the car, where most interesting conversations happen, "Dad wears glasses so he can see. When he takes off his glasses, everything turns invisible."

2. Canon points his Nerf ball-gun at his brother, "Try to kill me, Keller." Very boy.

3. Keller is playing quiety, and then I hear, "Buckle up for safety, buckle up." Glad to know he's listening when we get into the car each day.

Tender mercies

2010-10-16T21:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight I wanted to do a little scrapbooking of Jovie's ultrasound photos. Ben and I watched an episode of Chuck on hulu while I worked. I did ok for a little while, but then my back felt the all-too-familiar pain of sitting in a chair. Lately it seems that I can't sit, stand, or walk without pain and discomfort of many kinds.

It frustrated me that I am capable of so little, physically, right now. I can't bend down to take good photos of my kids, I can't walk around Target and enjoy shopping, I can't sit in a chair without crying inwardly about the ache in my back. It's really hard for me that I can't do these things; I miss having a body that is functional in the ways that I am used to.

I'm down to one pair of pajama pants that still fit me. The second to last pair ripped right down the middle, which always makes you feel super attractive and good about yourself. So my only remaining pair is in the wash with muddy dog prints on it/them (not sure.)

So I was sitting on the couch, crying about my physical limits, and wishing I had pajamas to wear. A thought popped into my head to try on some of Ben's. He has this one pair of pj pants that someone gave him for Christmas years and years ago, a bajillion sizes too big, but we never got rid of --- I pulled them out and as I put them on you could almost hear the angels singing. I have a brand new pair of flannel pajama pants to wear tonight and the phrase that comes to mind is "tender mercies."

I'm reminded that although my body is not excelling in a lot of areas, it is doing something amazing right now. It is a functional and good body. While I feel this pain and ache and exhaustion, a tiny new body is being formed. I guess that I'm giving up my ability to walk in comfort so that Jovie can have the ability to run someday. My body is doing great. I'm grateful for what it can do.

Heavenly Father is mindful of us. He cares about our lives and even small things like whether or not we have pajamas to sleep in. I feel super blessed tonight.

Am I growing?

2010-10-12T17:30:00.001-06:00

These two pictures are a month apart. Do I look one month closer to holding my baby girl?

Taesya's Kindergarten teacher, who I see every single day, didn't realize I was pregnant until Taesya told her last week. Granted, the lady's a little busy... but I'm pretty sure anyone who looks at me... Don't you think?

We took a tour of the hospital we will be delivering at. And I made some lists and plans; I called to pre-register for the birth. I actually feel a lot better about things this week. I'm not as nervous about Jovie coming. I can see a baby at the end of all this--a really pretty one.

Darndest

2010-10-08T19:38:00.002-06:00

Taeysa, in the tub, as her bathwater is getting cold: "Umm, Dad, we have a situation here."

Tae and Cano in the Paper Today

2010-10-08T08:50:00.001-06:00

Read the article Here.

Beauty all around

2010-10-07T17:19:00.001-06:00

Things that make my heart melt into a big puddle of goo:

1. That look my dog gives me through the fence, as I drive away and leave her at home. "I love you," I say, "I'll be back."

Cutey Lacey

2. My children's adorable sleeping faces. And the interesting positions they sleep in; Taesya has always been one for hanging halfway off the bed, while Keller prefers to stick his butt in the air.

Keller at the Peck reunion.

3. Sweaters and tiny corduroy dresses at Old Navy in fall colors. Just imaging my new little daughter all snug in comfy clothes makes me very joyful.

I bought this dress for Jovie.

My Mom borrowed my Keller for the day and I was so glad. What does a young mother do when her youngest is missing? She does her hair and makeup! I actually took the time to make myself look nice and boy oh boy, I felt pretty as I dropped my son off at Pre-K. One question, though, for all you regular make-up wearers out there: do you just learn to never touch your face during the day, or what? I go to rub my eyes or something and then say, "Dang it, I forgot I had make-up on." Is there some magical way to rub your eyes or scratch your face that I need to learn? I know I sound silly, but I'm really quite a novice at the make-up thing.

I filled up my van's gas tank yesterday and I realized something quirky about myself. For once I actually filled the tank up to Full, which sounds like the normal thing to do, I know. But I guess I usually stop it early, because it's hot outside, or the gas is pumping slow, or I don't have that much money in my budget. So I got back into my car and started driving to the grocery store with my childrens. I glanced at my gas gauge and it bugged me a little. Why? It was on Full. Like all the way Full. "Why does that bug me?" I pondered. "Am I a weirdo or something?"

Minutes later, I decided it's a cash flow thing. When that amount of gas is sitting in my car, I no longer have access to that money. I can't decide to spend $20 of that on something else that I might need more. A Full gas tank feels like I'm driving around with a car full of money, money that's stuck and I can't get.

Sounds totally strange. I don't drive a lot, really, as far as distance goes. So I can make a third of a tank last a week usually. And if I need milk or bread, I'd rather that money be in my checking account, rather than my gas tank. I'm quirky, so sue me.

Ben is quirky, too. He has a pillow, but he doesn't sleep on it. I've been awake often at night and I shake my head as I see his pillow propped up against the headboard, with him flat on his stomach or back, arms spread wide at his sides. "Why do you have a pillow?" I wonder to him.

This has been kind of longish. Hope I didn't bore you too much. It's been a good day. If you want to comment and share something that makes your heart melt into a big puddle, I would love to hear.

Loudy loudness

2010-10-05T09:23:00.001-06:00

I need to blog, but I am hesitant to do so. Why? Because life is full of crying and it's wearing on me. So if you don't want to hear about small people who cry at me, please discontinue reading.

I spend the majority of my day with my two little boys and they seem to be constantly unhappy with the job I am doing as a mother. Canon, thankfully, has only one real source of complaint: he is always hungry. So our relationship consists of, "Mom, can I have something?" and "No, Canon, you just had breakfast." Then the "crying" ensues. It's phony, whiney crying. I don't like it.

I can't really put my finger on Keller's reasons for grief; there are so many. It's a tough phase of life, I've been told, because he's learning to communicate and is struggling when he can't find the words he needs. Most things are out of his control and that makes him upset. But truly, Keller cries 70% of each day. He cries because he's constantly bumping into things as he runs to and fro; he cries because his older siblings exclude and pick on him; and he cries because Mom just doesn't understand what he needs right when he needs it.

It's difficult to feel successful and happy right now. Because every time I turn around, someone is giving me a bad review. I wish I didn't care so much, was impervious to their critiques -- my skin is not thick enough for this job some days.

Weeks like these make me really grateful for my dog. It's nice that if she's fed and has had a walk, she is quiet and content with life. Good girl, Lace.

My favorite song: Bruno Mars "Just the Way You Are"

2010-09-30T10:21:00.004-06:00

This song makes me think of Ben, who is in love with me, and it baffles my mind. This week he's working an insane amount of hours and I miss him. So it's good for me to remember that I have a sweetheart who adores me, despite my most convincing arguments.

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I'll say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Listen to the song here. Makes me smile.

Quotey

2010-09-30T09:44:00.005-06:00

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."

- Carl Sandburg

Preschool Year #1

2010-09-27T09:09:00.000-06:00

Because Taesya made such a good impression on her former preschool teacher, Canon got the opportunity to attend this year. He's technically not four years old until the end of October, but they made an exception. So he'll be in this class for two years before he starts Kindergarten.

I love this preschool class. It's at our local elementary school and the teachers are wonderful. Yes, my son has to wear uniforms, but he's excited about his new "school clothes." It's so nice for me to have both kids at the same school. They even see each other in the halls sometimes. I need to figure out what time Taesya has lunch, so we can all eat in the cafeteria together one day.

He's learning new songs, making new friends, and feeling like such a big boy. What a sweetie.

Can you find:

2010-09-27T08:58:00.000-06:00

1. One child actually trying to say, "Cheese," for the photo.

2. The food item that we buy every week. Sometimes two boxes.

3. The Halloween costume that one child plans to wear every day. Hint: it comes with a pointy black hat.

4. A scratched nose.

5. Healing stitches covered with "Steri strips."

6. Three stuffy noses.

7. One child with combed hair. (This is a trick, there aren't any.)

8. One child wearing shoes. (Another trick.)

9. Three kids who just can't resist sitting right next to each other at all times.

The Wisdom of the Chinese

2010-09-21T09:22:00.000-06:00

It was pay day yesterday, so we splurged and ate dinner at Pei Wei, which we love. Ben and I always share the Honey-seared Chicken and the Lettuce Wraps. We order Chicken Lo Mein for the munchkins. The kids each got a fortune cookie and Keller's made me laugh out loud.

Tae: Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!

Canon: That special someone loves to see the light in your eyes.

Kel: You have a charming way with words and should write a book. (I can't agree more. With words of wisdom like "No want it!" and "Okidokee," his book would be a hit.)

Mine was great, as well: You'll have more to give if you take some time for yourself. Profound insight from a cookie; don't you think?

Tae makes me smile

2010-09-19T19:36:00.002-06:00

Taesya came in from playing and her loose tooth was finally out. But we have no idea where it went. So she's leaving a note for the tooth fairy under her pillow. This is her very first lost tooth, by the way. We'll see what happens tonight!

I only helped her when she asked. I think she did a great job; made me smile anyway. Oh, and for my little sister, Courtney, Taesya drew a picture of you in a crown. She said it was for the "Draw Courtney in a crown" contest. I hope she wins. :)

Another one bites the dust

2010-09-16T09:40:00.002-06:00

Bit of a goose egg, as well.

Well, she set the record. Taesya, at age five, will go down in history as our child who lived the longest without stitches. Canon blew his chances when he bonked his nose on the footboard of Taesya's wooden bed; he was only 15 months old. Keller just recently sustained a trampoline injury at just shy of 18 months. And now Tae, who was hit by a large rock while swinging, has joined the Peck Child Head Wound Hall of Fame.

(The rock, by the way, was thrown by Taesya's dear brother, Canon, who has done his fair share of apologizing.)

Taesya was a tough girl and didn't shed a tear while the doctor patched her up. The Urgent Care nurse was really great and made Taesya feel like the biggest girl. I told her how cool she was to get 5 stitches and that she should tell her teacher all about it. She sported a lovely Barbie band-aid to school this morning. Seems like she'll be just fine.

I just sort of shake my head at this point. It was quite the afternoon. Being a mom and dealing with bloody injuries -- yeah, sometimes this job is not my cup of tea. Everyone is in one piece today, though, and we're hoping to keep it that way. If my younger brothers are any prediction of the life my kids will lead, I have plenty more injuries to look forward to in my career as a mother.

My brother-in-law, who is currently in medical school, ought to specialize in Family Practice and move into my future neighborhood. Don't you think so, Ash?

Canon was so little and his ouchie was front and center on his face. He was jumping off his mattress on the ground and his head ran into his sister's bed.

He's healed up, but Canon's scar is pretty much a part of who he is now.

We don't have an initial picture of when Keller got hurt. He was jumping on Grandma Debbie's trampoline and fell onto where the spring meets the bar. But here he is with his bandages.

The teens in our Sunday School class say he has a Harry Potter scar. We've yet to discover any special powers, though.

Note: Both boys were injured from jumping and falling. Taesya's was a little different. Poor Jovie. Also, this is the first accident to occur while I was in charge of the kids. Ben jokes that people always get hurt when Daddy's watching.

Tummy Time

2010-09-14T11:28:00.000-06:00

I'm kind of embarrassed to post a picture of my pregnant self, but at the same time, I really want to acknowledge that I am accomplishing something in my life. Making an entire person inside of you takes a lot of work, and I deserve to be proud of that. So here I am at 27 1/2 weeks; so close to the third trimester. Little Jovie is a jumping bean, for sure, and I enjoy that she keeps me company. I'd be a lot more comfortable if she was just a squooshy baby, but when I try to bend over, I can tell she is definitely built of bones. Ouch. Some mornings Taesya greets me with a, "Wow, Mom, your baby is sure getting bigger." I'm feeling bigger. But how many other achievements are this visible? I'm growing a baby. What a job.

Incubating

2010-09-10T08:53:00.000-06:00

Hope you have a good day today. Personally, my only goal is to remain conscious. I am beat. It seems like this baby inside of me might be going through a growth spurt. It'd be nice to be a chicken and just sit on my egg all day; but who takes care of the other chicks while Mrs. Hen is chillin'? At least it's Friday: countdown to tag-team parenting.

Stay awake and finish of the week on a happy note. My best to you and yours.

Kindergarten

2010-09-02T09:46:00.000-06:00

Tae's officially going to school all day. Which means that my most helpful, independent child is gone... to be helpful and independent for someone else. Bummer. Canon had a pretty emotional day yesterday; having to make his own decisions was tough on him, as he is used to just doing whatever Taesya does. But me and my little boys will adjust. Keller will learn to copy Canon and I will teach them both to become helpful and independent in time.

She had a great first day. She was most excited to tell me about quiet time when they all slept. And they colored; she mentioned that as well. Back to School Night was basically just a review of all the paperwork they'd already sent home to read, but it was nice to see her in her little Kindergarten environment. Tae's the kind of kid that absolutely loves school; learning new things and having other kids to talk to--it's her perfect set up.

We have to get in the routine of drop-offs and pick-ups. Then Canon will start preschool next week and add two more car trips. I hope this just becomes natural after a while. My big belly isn't really helping, though, with the ins and outs--it's tiring.

My oldest child is in Kindergarten; I am proud of the sweet little girl she has become. I hope she brings joy to everyone around her, like she does to me. I love you, Tae.

A Moment

2010-08-27T07:45:00.002-06:00

We bought this wonderful book from the distribution center that is full of gospel images. And each has a scripture referenced in the front. So we are going to use this as a springboard for our family scripture study. Tonight Taesya picked the picture of Isaiah writing of Christ's birth. We talked about what we saw in the picture, then read the three verses to go along with it. It was nice. The kids all get really excited about pictures of Jesus or the temple, even Keller. Ben took this video of Keller while we were "reading" the book afterwards.

(Kel just snuck out of the bath, by the way, and came to ask me "What doin'?" He's getting so smart.)

Happily Ever After

2010-08-25T16:19:00.001-06:00

This is the part of the story when a fairy godmother sweeps in to make my toddler happy again. His crying is over, his whining is done, he has no desire to follow me around and ask for endless things. Poof, suddenly he is smiling and content. Wonderful!

Waiting.

Waiting.

K, who didn't tell the fairy godmother? Dang it.

A few items we need to go over

2010-08-24T16:52:00.000-06:00

Item #1: My head hurts. I'm getting a lot of headaches lately; I think I need to better hydrate myself.

Item #2: This week looks like a Deceptively Delicious week. We've just gotten to a nutrient deficient state of being, it seems like, so it's time to sneak in some veggies. First on the agenda is Frozen Yogurt Pops, since my kids go through popsicles at an insane pace. Today I gave them ice cubes, since we had no other cold and fruity alternative. Tears were shed. I really love Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook, but I dream of the day when I will have a food processor to simplify things for me.

Item #3: The ice cream man just drove by, but the $10 in my wallet just went to our babysitter. Dang it. Honestly, though, it was totally worth it to pay the babysitter. She's a senior in high school and she does an amazing job. I wish I could adopt her.

Item #4: Fall is coming. Best news ever.

Thanks, Nicki

2010-08-24T16:14:00.003-06:00

My friend, Nicki, shared this fun little ditty on her blog. Good times. (Called Pomplamoose.) Y'know, let's just make this a two-fer:

Now watch them again and dance around your house! I am chair dancing as we speak.

The Boys got Haircuts

2010-08-23T14:54:00.000-06:00

My Family is Silly.

Hot and Cold

2010-08-20T17:19:00.000-06:00

After a borderline frustrating trip to Smith's today with all three kids, I pulled into my driveway and felt the air conditioning on my face. Should I even go in? I thought. It was so hot outside and I still had to unload the groceries. But I wasn't alone in the car, the kids were there, and anxious to get out some energy. So I gave a big sigh and announced my usual, "We're home!"

Now they are in the backyard with popsicles and sidewalk chalk. They're crazy for wanting to be out there; even the dog knows it's much cooler in here. Not as cool as the car, though. I got the groceries in the house and now I'm just waiting, melting, for Ben to get home. I'm going to a family gathering for females only tonight; Tae and I are going. I know it will be nice to see everyone and it's good to get out of the house, but I'm going to miss Ben.

I can remember feeling this way since we first got married. I just want to be with him all the time. He makes everything better and easier. He's like the whip cream on top of life and I love him to bits. Work's been really busy this week (his "real" job, and his side work as well) so he's pretty occupied. I miss him. I want to watch a movie with him and hold hands. But it'll have to wait until another day.

Oh, how slowly the minutes tick by when you are waiting. I should have a popsicle.

No interesting title

2010-08-19T16:36:00.002-06:00

It's a Thursday and I am feeling shlumpy. So I thought, what the heck, let's post some pictures and write some random nothingness. And by "let's" I obviously mean just me. So behold Thursday thoughts. And p.s. formatting in Blogger gives me grief; oh so much heartache.

Canon is having a tough life right now. Every time I say he can't have or do something that he wants to, he cries and whines and it's the end of the world. He thinks he can convince me if he tells me, "But mom, I really really wanted a drink of juice." Oh, I think sarcastically to myself, if only I had known that you really really wanted that thing--my decision would have been so much different. The picture above in the carseat was after he cried himself to sleep over some issue. 25 minutes later, he woke up crying again, picking up his argument exactly where he had left off.

Luckily, though, he does still have moments of happiness. The other day, he was so proud to show his little brother how well he could get dressed, which then inspired Keller to follow his example. It was a wonderful brother moment. Those two are so goofy together at the breakfast table, by the way.

We went to a Peck Family Reunion in Heber last weekend and had a good ole' time. The kids loved being outside and getting dirty. This is the swing/ripcord thing that all the kids spend their time on. It was real camping, apparently, because when I held Taesya that night, I realized she'd wet herself at some point earlier in the day. "I dried all off, though, mom," she said. Oh well. Our dog, Lacey, loved roaming free with all the other Peck dogs. She scared some of the other kids, though, since she was the only dog larger than the size of a cat.

Keller tasted a pinecone, which was not as delicious as the watermelon that he spent most of his time eating. Keller is learning to talk currently. It's adorable, for sure, but it's getting exhausting for me. He thinks that he has to report every thing that he sees, does, or wants, to me. ALL DAY LONG. It's great practice for him. I'm encouraging him to go tell Taesya and Canon about things sometimes.

Canon hugged my baby belly yesterday. It was cute. I rocked Keller to sleep last night and felt that big boy next to my tiny little girl; it was a nice moment. I love my kids and I feel truly blessed in life right now. Daily life is beyond redundant right now, but I'm doin' my best. Kids start school soon! That'll be a change. Ch-ch-ch-changes.

Cooking with Chef Tae

2010-08-11T08:50:00.000-06:00

She dictated this recipe to Canon in the car and he careful mixed up (pantomimed) all the ingredients.

5 cups peanut butter
2 cups sliced radishes
4 cups olive oil
4 cups deoderant (which they removed after I laughed)
2 cups chocolate chips
3 cups cat hair
2 cups frog slime
2 more cups olive oil
(I may be forgetting one or two ingredients)

Mix it all up and put it in a pan in the oven to cook for 6 minutes. Then cut it up or decorate it.

We all had a piece and Keller thought it was quite delicious. Yum.

Let's get Physical

2010-08-06T16:15:00.000-06:00

The good news for today is that my exercise routine is working. I have gained less weight this time around than I have any of my previous pregnancies. Boy it was great to hear that, because working out is like pulling teeth right now. It is tough to get going, but I feel proud afterward. And today I feel especially proud: 12 pounds instead of the usual 20+ is a definite improvement. Yay me.

I've been trying to do something active every week day.

Mondays: Walk on treadmill while Tae's at tumbling
Tuesdays: Prenatal yoga DVD at home
Wednesdays: 1 hour workout at the gym, half cardio, half resistance
Thursdays: Water aerobics
Fridays: Pregnancy exercises and stretches from What to Expect

Plus I walk the dog every other day for as far as I can handle.

I think exercise is nice during pregnancy because my motivation changes. There's no way I'm going to lose weight, so I think a lot more about getting my heart pumping, working my muscles, becoming more healthy. It's like I'm putting money into a bank that will eventually make this baby that much better off in life. Why I suddenly care about being active, considering that this is my fourth time doing this? No idea. Weird. I guess it was just time.

Anyways, I just wanted to share that I'm doing something good and it's paying off. So glad.

Snapshots of a Thursday

2010-08-05T21:01:00.000-06:00

A man was walking across the street in the direction of Walmart. He wasn't old, but he had a pot belly. He was pulling behind him an oxygen tank and smoking a cigarette. Slowly he made his way to the curb.

A hispanic-looking teenager was riding his bike away from the grocery store. It was one of those smaller bikes that guys like my little brother ride to be cool, I think. His hair was spiked; he was handsome. He carried a red rose, packaged in the usual grocery store wrappery. He carried it low at his side as he rode. I wondered who the flower was meant for.

A tall dad carried his little girl on his shoulders. Holding his hand was his son. Both children were younger than seven, I would say, and blonde. The little boy looked like he was getting a little tired of walking, but Dad encouraged him on. It was sweet.

The three blonde bombshells of my life

2010-08-01T18:34:00.003-06:00

These were all taken with my new.... yes, you guessed it -- DIGITAL camera! Nothing fancy; but I now have the option to capture a memory and share it the same day. I'm excited. Still have my trusty SLR for better quality photos, which I intend to use for some fun kid portraits soon. I'm thinking I'll pick a different location and time of day for each kid, try to capture each of their personalities. Should be fun.

I'm melting.

2010-07-29T16:15:00.000-06:00

It's ridiculously hot around here and the swamp cooler isn't really making a dent. All I want to do is lay around and wait for the sun to set. For naptime today, I literally sweated myself to sleep. Terribly terribly sticky, hot, and miserable.

Feeling wimpy a bit

2010-07-28T11:04:00.002-06:00

(Wish I looked this cute)

I'm five months pregnant and beginning to feel very out of shape. Granted, I have been eating lots and lots of junk. I crave sugar all of the time, and especially when things are tough at home, I eat way too much of a good thing. So when I hopped onto the elliptical today, I was tired after about a minute. I seriously considered sitting on a bench for the hour to at least get my money's worth out of the daycare. But I plugged along. It was so hard today.

I did what I could do. And I got a break from the house and the kids. My brain was empty for a small chunk of time and that felt wonderful. I hope this rough workout doesn't become a trend, because I still have a ways to go in this pregnancy. As for today, though, I'm proud that I worked my heart and my muscles. Go me.

And Bingo was his name-o

2010-07-26T11:08:00.000-06:00

Actually Jovie will be her name-o. We finally decided. Maybe it didn't seem like a long time to you; but as I went through every possible baby name on babycenter AGAIN, it felt like this process would never end. I am very thorough.

But now it's settled and we're happy. Our little girl will be named Jovie Beth Peck. Jovie means joyful, which I think is an excellent goal for my daughter. Joy does not come naturally to me; I have to work at it. Beth is after a very good friend of mine, who is basically the epitome of a wonderful mother, friend, woman: she is kind, patient, loving, and genuine.

When I name my kids, it's sort of like I'm making a little wish for each of their lives.

Taesya Fe (faith)
Benjamin Canon (power of God)
Keller (dear friend) Davis
Jovie (joyful) Beth

I love my little kiddos and I'm so glad that each of them are here (or on their way.) I'm a lucky mommy.

Blessings

2010-07-16T17:23:00.000-06:00

That little being inside my tummy is officially a girl. And she is lovely. I felt mesmerized as the ultrasound technician showed her to us. We saw her brain, heart, stomach, kidneys, arms, legs, and feet. She was very active throughout and she seems just perfect. I loved seeing her long kicking legs and her cute little profile. I started to imagine Ben and I with a tiny little girl in our arms and I got very happy. December is so far away, though.

I feel peaceful and happy, in the midst of feeling pretty sick this week, thinking of my daughter inside me. What a wonderful blessing.

Tee Ball 2010

2010-07-12T21:14:00.000-06:00

My son is adorable; that's really all there is to it. It's been great to see him make friends and look forward every week to his "big game." Time to start scouting for his next activity. Oh he's so cute!

Approaching the half-way mark

2010-07-12T15:16:00.001-06:00

The big gender ultrasound is on Friday. I'm itching for the days to pass. So what do you think the big news will be?

I want a girl, but I am not expecting to get my way.
Ben's pretty sure it'll be a girl.

Care to weigh in? Oh, and if you need additional info to make your very calculated estimation, let me know. Like the fact that I am carrying low, which I am. K? Loves.

We love you, Riley.

2010-07-11T16:48:00.000-06:00

Riley was a wonderful dog and he loved our family so much. We will miss him. But we will remember how he loved to sleep on the Lovesac, and how he would carry toys out of the bathtub, and how patiently he would wait for Keller to drop his cereal. We're so glad we got to share those few short months with such a loving boy. We love you, Ry.

On the way to the gym

2010-07-07T10:33:00.000-06:00

Canon: My job is to play football all day long.
Me: That sounds like a fun job. What's my job?
Canon: Hmmm. To do laundry. And to clean up Keller's bum.

Awww man.

Interesting

2010-07-05T18:21:00.000-06:00

Just lookin' up baby names (only girl names, really, because I so have my heart set on a cute, chilled out little female) and I came across "Taisha." It says that it's Arabic and that it means "she who lives; alive one." Interesting. Taesya is definitely alive, and full of life, too, I would say. Love that girl.

Taesya Fe
Benjamin Canon
Keller Davis
.... who will be next?

Good Times

2010-07-05T08:48:00.001-06:00

Photos courtesy of Mortensen Family - Thanks!

Give that lady a gold star

2010-07-02T16:55:00.000-06:00

I accomplished mighty things today. It feels wwwwonderful!

Thanks in part to our kiddie pool, I had a large chunk of time in the morning, which I used to pay bills and plan our monthly finances. Then I trekked to Cookie Cutters and had all three of my children made to look a bit more civilized (haircuts). The kiddie pool granted me another bout of freedom this afternoon; I put away three baskets full of laundry. Now my delightful children each have a drawer full of clean underpants and pajamas. Yay.

Amen to getting things done. Feels mighty spectacular. I even set aside some red, white, and blue for the kids to wear tomorrow. Honestly, my messy house looks about the same as it did this morning, but inside of me, it looks different. I am proud.

Hope you all have a fab holiday and wear lots of sunscreen!

Life is poking holes in my Umbrella

2010-06-30T20:41:00.000-06:00

I just.... seriously. What the heck?!?

Someone tried to break into our house today to (we assume) steal our tv. They completely removed one window; Ben think it looks like they razored around each edge and since the window was held in by caulk alone, it probably wasn't too hard for them. But our gigantic tv cabinet and our large dog prevented them from getting anything. (This is all what we're guessing, obviously.)

Cop came by. Since nothing's missing, he didn't really care much. He thinks it may have fallen out on its own--yeah, no way. If our window fell out, it would have broken.

Point is that one more crappy thing happened to my family. And I don't know how much more I can take. I'm trying to read about Faith in the bible, trying to find something to really click and make it all seem better. But I just feel like we're getting kicked and kicked by life right now.

I'm grateful for Riley. (Hopefully he scared the pants off the crook.) And that our neighbors have come over to help Ben fix the window. The guy two houses down, whom we've never met before today, had his tv stolen in December.

Just shaking my head.... things are just really baffling me. If I could just get a peek at how our lives are supposed to turn out after all this--

Fuming over spilled milk

2010-06-29T15:23:00.001-06:00

It doesn't matter how many times we've talked about it, or how many times his attempts have ended in disaster. Canon tried to get himself a drink out of the fridge again. And now an entire gallon of milk is soaked up in towels in the washing machine, instead of in it's plastic bottle, where it belongs. He says sorry (and you probably think that sounds sweet) but we've done this so many times (and I've heard that hasty apology each time) that it makes me just want to smack him, because he thinks sorry makes everything go away. He has no intention of changing his behavior; he just doesn't want mom to be mad. And then he can just be naughty again next time. GRRRRRRR. It makes me so angry.

All he has to do is ask me for a drink.
I'd get the boy a drink.

Why does life with kids feel like constant re-runs? The same mistakes, the same messes, over and over and over. (Gigantic sigh.)

We were just about to go to the library all together, but now that sounds like a really stupid idea.
Just another potential disaster.
Figure something else out.

Drama

2010-06-24T10:42:00.000-06:00

Keller made an important discovery today: tantrums in the bathtub will get water in your nose. So now he's wrapped in a towel and finishing out his tantrum on the bed. It's almost 11:00 and this is his third (quite lengthy) tantrum today. He throws himself onto the ground and cries and cries and cries. When he stops, he comes over to Mom and it's as if it never happened. I would hate crying like that; I'd have a major headache by now.

Riley seems concerned. He is very protective of Keller, but this non-stop crying is confusing, I'm sure.

Canon is being very tolerant, but understandably, is avoiding his dramatic little brother.

Lucky Tae is at school.

.... Still going strong. Moved to the kitchen where his cries would echo louder, maybe... Boy this is a fun phase! Can't even remember why he's mad. Oh yeah, I tried to wash his hair. Mean mom.

Cameron's Coming

2010-06-23T19:34:00.001-06:00

Keller and I have the same kind of haircut lately. (I just thought that was interesting.)

My little brother, Cameron, is coming home from his mission tomorrow. I almost can't believe that the two years are over. I'm so excited to see him and give him a big hug.

He's never met Keller, which is crazy to me. The whole process of birth and everything is crazy, really. When Cameron left, there was the beginnings of a baby in my tummy, and now, such a short time later, there is this full personality occupying my life. It really is a testimony to me that we existed before this life. Keller (and all my other kids) came with his own little bundle of likes and dislikes, his own stubbornness, little quirky traits-- there is just so much wrapped up in that little body.

Life changes quick. And now here I am with another little baby secretly hiding away his/her own special personality. (It hope it's a nice baby, cuz I'm getting pretty outnumbered around here.)

I'm so glad that fun things are happening: homecomings and holidays. Summer in general is good for my brain. Sunscreen, popsicles, and flip flops! Can't wait for tomorrow!

Good Things to Come

2010-06-21T09:50:00.000-06:00

Baby-ness

2010-06-16T16:19:00.001-06:00

My baby is the size of a lemon right now. He/she can make all kinds of expressions with his face and can suck his/her thumb. His/her body is growing to catch up with his/her large head.

I don't get nauseous anymore unless I'm rinsing off really disgusting dishes. My baby gives me a headache at 8:30 every night and says, "Go to bed, Mom." But I don't mind too much because it soooo beats nausea and dizzy spells. We get to find out the gender of our baby on July 16th, so I am very excited. Still hoping for/expecting a girl.... we'll see. He/she is a good little lemon.

UTBA

2010-06-14T11:13:00.003-06:00

The trick with reviewing is that I’m not allowed to say, “The play was amazing,” and simply leave it at that. Apparently the general public wants more information than that. So I dissect the acting, the directing, the lighting and such—but even that is not enough. If you know the details of each theatrical element in the show, but weren’t actually there to experience the feeling of the show, you are still missing something. As a reviewer, above all else, I most want to portray the intangible/the essence/the vibe to those who may read this. I want you to feel, like I did, how amazing a show really was. This is my challenge.

www.utahtheaterbloggers.com

(The other trick is that my brother is my editor.)

Notice

2010-06-11T14:12:00.001-06:00

(Some new photos on the About page, just so you know.)

She hates when things change, but she's a'changin'

2010-06-11T13:36:00.002-06:00

Last September when I sent my daughter out into the world--k, just to preschool down the street--she seemed like such a tiny girl. It was scary to hand over my child to her teachers; it felt like a big big deal to me.

Sep '09

But she's had such a wonderful time there and I was beyond pleased with her teachers. Taesya graduated with flying colors and even received a Kindergarten Readiness Award. I feel like she's grown so much this year: her self-confidence, her love of learning.

June '10

I'm so glad to have a daughter like Taesya. She is a good person, with oodles of love and energy. And as I see my family grow, I think of her in 5th and 6th grade... What will she be like? Hopefully a lot the same. What a special child I was sent. I love you Tae.

"But I'm already on a quest..."

2010-06-10T22:01:00.003-06:00

I received some good counsel today and also remembered a scripture that struck a chord with me a few Sundays ago. I'm in a place right now where I'm wondering about my role as a mother and I have begun a quest to gain knowledge and understanding about this job that I have chosen. So today, for now, this is my focus:

1. Love Them
2. Teach them the Gospel
3. Feed Them
4. Clothe Them

"Be thou humble: and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answers to thy prayers." (D&C 112:10)

On the menu today...

2010-06-09T08:21:00.000-06:00

I scraped myself out of bed with a giant spatula. I was stuck pretty good; I think I might have even left some pieces behind. Can't seem to find my energy or my happy face, must have left them on my pillow.

At the gym today, I hope to work myself hard enough that I temporarily stop thinking. Then I can get a break from the guilt of totally missing Taesya's friend's birthday party yesterday. No, we weren't busy or anything--I just 100% forgot. Tae hasn't been informed of this mistake yet, and I'm debating whether or not to even bring it up. (She gives me such grief over my mishaps.) So yes, I'm going to do enough reps on my biceps and triceps that I completely forget my mommy mistakes.

Mornings are so very difficult.

Not quite done

2010-06-07T16:33:00.000-06:00

It's been a long day of mommy-ness and it is not over yet. My energy is gone; wish I could just lay my head down for a little while. But I have to take Taesya to tumbling at 5:00, then off to preschool graduation. Canon has teeball orientation at 6:15, which hopefully Ben will be able to take him to. It's Ben's first day at his new job and I'm not sure when to expect him home. As long as it's before teeball...

And somewhere in there, I should probably feed my family. No idea really how that's going to work. Maybe we could grab a couple Jamba Juices and call it good.

I got through the day pretty well, for me. I'm not really awesome at this mom stuff currently, but today was above average for me, I'd say. So I just gotta get through this evening, get those busy kids into bed, and then I can crash. I'm reading a new book, so I'm excited to get back to it. It's called Pillars of the Earth. Just finished The Book Thief and cried a river at the end. (Did you finish it, Ash?)

Just keep swimmin'.

Happy Benny Bday

2010-06-05T11:52:00.002-06:00

Taesya blew up her very first balloon today.

Canon tried.

I have to tie the balloons for her, and they are slobbery, I tell you.

We are celebrating Ben's birthday a little late. With decorations and cake mix cookies. This morning Ben and I played tennis together; it was a fun time. More pictures to come later, I think. Happy Benny Bday, everyone!

*Update: Nope, no more pictures. We are in a digital dry spell, sorry to say. My parents gave us a camera when Taesya was born and it served us well for a while. She's five now, so yeah, the camera is dead. Ben had an Iphone there for a spell and I leaned on that for necessary digital documentation. Alas, the Iphone is no more. So my very lovely Canon SLR is our only camera, not digital. I take a few photos here and there and when the roll is full, develop and put on a CD. That's our only option as of right now. Not the end of the world, just a lesson in patience.

*We do have the ever trusty tool of photo booth, which provided the above balloon/tongue image. A camera is in my future, but it is not on the top of the "Things we will buy when we have the money" list.

*The cookies were quite yummy, by the way. I took a picture. :)

Just one wish...

2010-05-31T16:42:00.002-06:00

If I could keep my baby out of the dog food and my dog out of my baby's food--that would be nice.

Keller is getting sneakier and more creative in his use of the dog kibble. This morning I heard little metallic tinks over and over; found out that Keller had put all of Riley's breakfast into the sink piece by piece. Then later he got into my friend's dog's food; and hers really smelled.

And Riley (our dog) will nab just about anything that Keller holds out at arms length. I simply can't get my 16 month old child to understand defensive eating tactics. Riley doesn't even try to get my food, but he watches Keller like a hawk.

Right now I feel like I have two toddlers; and I would now recommend, to anyone who asks me, that you hold out on dog purchases until your children are no longer classified as "babies." Because I have a lot of immature/primitive brains around here; and this food battle seems never-ending.

If only my words could make a difference, and one of them would look at me with understanding and obedience. "Ok, Mom, I won't touch that food anymore." Problem solved. Wishing wishing.

Is it because I've been reading my scriptures?

2010-05-27T19:00:00.000-06:00

Spontaneously, of their own free will, all three of my children played together today WITH THEIR TOYS. I just looked over and there they were, all of them, sharing legos. Taesya was the leader, of course, but she did such a great job of keeping them all calm and content. It lasted for a long time, too. I just stared at them--amazed.

My kids don't generally share or play nicely lately. And they pretty much ignore all of our toys. And they follow me around like little starving kittens.

Today was a miracle and I am beyond grateful. Wow oh wow.

Still makes me smile when I think about it.

2010-05-27T18:55:00.000-06:00

It only cost me $5.45 and it was the best part of my whole day. Yesterday, the kids and I ate school lunch. We've gone, I think, twice before but today was such a treat. Because in the midst of my busy and difficult daily life, I got to enjoy a decent meal that took no effort and involved no clean up afterward.

We had chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, peas and carrots, a roll, chocolate milk, and a rice krispie treat. I didn't have to buy any of these things at the store, I didn't have to unload them from my car, I didn't have to cook each element of the meal, and I didn't have to do the dishes when it was all over. Heaven!!!!

Taesya, Canon, Keller, and I enjoyed a delightful meal at her elementary school and it brightened my day. I breathed a sigh of contentment on the way to the car, "Wasn't that yummy, Canon?" Thank you, public school, for giving me that moment of joy.

Communication

2010-05-25T13:58:00.001-06:00

In between the incoherent caveman-like grunts, growls, and shouts of frustration -- today has been a breakthrough in Keller's communication skills. I had a cup of orange juice, which he gestured to and requested, "Meese." This means please. So I got him a cup and he waited nicely. I poured some into his glass and he drank it happily. "Mwoh," he said and I poured him a little bit more. He had refills until he was satisfied. His words had gotten him what he wanted; I think that made him very glad.

Today was the first day that he actually pointed to the correct place when asked, "Where is your nose, Keller?" I was so proud! And he's saying "danx" for thank you. Granted, most of the day is still primitive at best, but I can see the glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel.

On the other hand, I'm not in any hurry for him to talk back and shout "No!" at me like his siblings. Talking certainly has it's pros and cons.

Internet Frustration

2010-05-18T08:46:00.001-06:00

Ben thinks I'd be happier if I ditched Blogger. But I've tried that before and ended up coming back. I just need user-friendliness and ease of use. Too many features hurts my brain. Who knows, maybe I'll give Wordpress or Kontain a try... we'll see.

P.S. I wish my husband had time to design a template for me. It's hard to choose from someone else's looks and say, "Yeah, that looks just like me." It's always a little off. Maybe I'm too picky.

This is my Keller

2010-05-18T08:37:00.000-06:00

Intrigued by seeing his own face on the computer.

The look we get 23 hours of every day. The grumpy eyebrows.

Mesmerized by his own good looks.

Really enjoys this picture taking game.

I wanted to capture the grumpy face, because really, my baby is always scowling at us. And hollering about how one toy or another has really frustrated him. He hates to get his diaper changed, he's mad that he can't do everything himself, and he's always getting into trouble. My super happy baby is in a moody phase.

Oh, and he got that nose injury from camping this weekend. He can't just sit in a folding chair, he has to get in and out and in and out--and then face plant on the cement. He'll live, don't worry too much.

Oh my Keller, where did your happiness go?

Blockhead

2010-05-12T08:22:00.001-06:00

The kids are watching Charlie Brown Christmas. And, sadly, I am finding Charlie Brown incredibly relatable. The way he's talking sounds familiar... the negative outlook, expecting the worst, assuming everyone will be disappointed... I have become Charlie Brown. I don't want to be Charlie Brown. This thought needs some pondering.

A few more similarities: Keller carries around his "pathetic" blanket all the time, Taesya talks a lot like bossy know-it-all Lucy, and lastly we have a dog. (Although our dog is remarkably unremarkable compared to Snoopy.)

Sorry for the lame post. Wait, did that sound like Charlie Brown again? Good grief.

In the Dumps

2010-05-05T18:25:00.000-06:00

I washed and put away an enormous amount of laundry today. And I got my daughter to preschool. I held my son, Canon, when he was sad. That's about it.

Nothing else was good or worth mentioning. Are those things enough? Am I doing enough? Because mostly I think about the times when I was sick and didn't want anyone to touch me, or the fact that I didn't make one meal for my children today--and the word failure bounces around inside my head.

Last night I cleaned up the kids bedroom, which was a disaster of sorts. It looks great, even vaccuumed. So if I look at that room, I can feel successful; I can see all the clothing in the drawers, too, and know that I took care of my children in that way. But if I look anywhere else.... Agh.

Why can't I feel good about what I did? Why do I feel like I'm missing something?

Nie Nie

2010-05-05T11:50:00.002-06:00

I don't know if you read "NieNie" but today you should. She has a wonderful video on there today and it almost made me cry. Heavenly Father is with us as we struggle every day and I am so grateful. Check out Stephanie Nielsen's blog today and you will be uplifted.

Funny

2010-04-30T19:59:00.001-06:00

15 months old

2010-04-30T19:13:00.000-06:00

If Keller is not playing in the toilet,
he's probably emptying the garbage,
one item at a time
onto the floor.
If he's not in the garbage,
you better check Riley's dog bowls,
because chances are they are emptied
and there is a lake of water and kibble
that Keller will slip in,
and then cry like it's a total surprise there was water there.
And if the dog bowls are not empty,
you ought to check for floating toys, toothbrushes, or trinkets
in the Water dish.
If there are floating surprises there,
consider yourself lucky,
you might not have to check the toilet.
Because if you find that Keller's been spending his free time in the bathroom,
you are in for some fun discoveries.

Happy pictures to cheer me up

2010-04-29T09:53:00.000-06:00

It's snowing.

Keller's probably teething cuz he won't sleep.

I'm sick sick sick--and so sick of it.

Today I am 8 weeks along, which is when I had my miscarriage in 2007. So my nausea is a good sign that I am still pregnant. We get to hear the heartbeat next week and then it will seem more real, hopefully. It's just so tough around here when the kids can't really go outside. Or they do go outside and the mud comes inside afterward. I'm dreaming of sunshine and health and happiness. Trying to hang on.

Blustery night

2010-04-27T22:35:00.000-06:00

Listening to the hurricane-force-winds and craving banana bread. Wasn't sure exactly when or how to announce this, but whatever: I'm pregnant! I'm trying really hard to focus on a beautiful baby girl (we're hoping) that will arrive in December, instead of dwelling on the nausea I feel 24 hours a day. Do it with me - - - see the cute little face and pink blanket around her tiny little body... :) Makes me smile. But I could sure use some banana bread right now.

Thinking pains

2010-04-26T12:04:00.001-06:00

Someone told me today (ok, it was my therapist) that it doesn't matter what other people think. If I enjoy photography and writing, if those things make me happy, then that's all that matters.

My brain totally rejects this idea. I don't want to be one of those losers on American Idol who think they can sing, while all of America is laughing at them from their living rooms. I don't want to be delusional like that. If I suck, I'd rather know so I can give up and find something else.

Really? No. I love to write. And I love to take pictures. Does it matter where I land on the talent scale? If I was the crappiest in the world, but it brought me joy and peace, shouldn't I still do it? Apparently.

This hurts my head, majorly.

My backyard looks like a wet disaster

2010-04-22T09:09:00.002-06:00

It's not even 9:00 yet and I am already shaking my fist at this day. Not a good sign. So I have to reset my brain and begin again.

I started to re-read a parenting book last night; maybe this time it'll stick. It's called Common Sense Parenting of Toddlers and Preschoolers. I've never finished it, so I can't recommend it; but chapter one was super enlightening this time around. It was all about expectations. I took a minute to determine what I really expect from my children.

I expect Taesya to:
Dress herself and put her dirty clothes in the hamper
Brush her hair
Brush her teeth
Clear her dishes into the sink
Buckle her seatbelt
Pour a drink for herself
Use fork, spoon, napkin
Make her bed
Play independently sometimes
Speak kindly

I expect Canon to:
Dress himself and put his dirty clothes in the hamper
Brush his teeth with help
Make his bed with help
Clear his dishes
Play independently sometimes
Use fork, spoon, napkin
Get into his carseat and buckle the top buckle
Speak kindly

I expect Keller to:
Begin to keep his food on the table
Drink out of a cup
Stay out of the dog's food/water
Stay in one place for diaper and clothing changes

I'm supposed to make sure that I have communicated my expectations to my children. They should understand them, be able to describe them to me in their own words. And also I am supposed to lead by example. If I'm not getting myself ready in the morning, why would the kids think they should? Mom is showing them that we should get dressed and cleaned up at the last minute. So I have to adjust my habits and they will notice.

This week, we are going to work on expectations. What do I expect of my children and what do they expect of me. I realize my children expect me to be a lot more prepared than I actually am. And if I lived up to their expectations, I believe things would be smoother.

I have a friend coming over in twenty minutes, so I better get myself dressed. I have reset my brain, for now at least.

Oh dear

2010-04-13T08:45:00.001-06:00

Breathe.
Focus on one thing at a time.
Don't freak out.
Ho-ly cow.
It's all gunna be ok.

Don't worry, it's just the usual stuff. But this week I am struggling to wrap my brain around all that there is to do. I need to chunk it down, work step by step. How do you keep from feeling overwhelmed?

Call for Entries

2010-04-08T15:24:00.001-06:00

Hey, it's me. Thanks for visiting and for taking a minute to read my ramblings. I started blogging because my older brother told me I would like it; I do. But some days I wonder who's really reading what I say, and why I'm even doing this.

I go through phases where I'm just bursting with stories and insights; I have tons of fun pictures at my fingertips--but other times I experience a major dry spell.

Google Analytics says you're out there, but today I need more. I need a hello. Can I trouble you for a comment? Just a short one. I need to know that my thoughts have mattered, that a photo has made you smile; just a little shout out would do me some good. Thank you in advance.

Damage Control

2010-04-08T15:00:00.000-06:00

I fell asleep on the couch and Ben left for a meeting. I woke up to a muddy toddler in my face.

Ran to kitchen,
mud everywhere,
dog and child prints.
Undressed the toddler
put him in the shower with toys.
Told myself to breathe,
not get mad.
Two other kids enter
with muddiness.
All three put into the shower.
Pile of muddy clothes in the hamper.
Wiped down the muddy dog,
he really wants to lick my face
Hot water runs out
Whining kids each toweled and dressed.
Three kids plopped in front of tv.
With string cheese.
Dog wants to be petted.
I eat string cheese.
Wipe up a little bit of muddy evidence.
Floor is still a mess.

Missing the couch. I don't even want to know what the backyard looks like.

P.S. Snow is Crummy

2010-04-07T08:46:00.000-06:00

Things are a'changing around here. The kids are growing up so much and I'm having to adjust my idea of daily life. Figure out new ideas and new goals. Ben and I are having talks about what we want out of life and where we want to be in 5 years. Maybe it's the Spring Cleaning idea; we have this drive to begin anew, to jumpstart our old ways.

We're going to improve our home one project/piece of furniture at a time. Slowly turning it into a more pleasant place to live. Ben's office is going to move into another room as soon as we figure out Wifi, and then he will have a door to close. (He is quite excited about that idea.)

I am resolved to sit down and play with my children each day. Yesterday I colored with Tae and Canon; we had a great time. Taesya drew a snowman, Canon drew a "shooter" - Canon even wrote an S, two N's, and an O. It felt nice to just play for once.

It's good for Ben and I to re-establish the path that we want to be on. Life gets going and we sort of end up wandering. But now the team is recommitted, our uniforms are cleaned and pressed, we've planned the line-up, and it's going to be a great season. Batter up!

Take the Time to Watch This

2010-03-31T09:09:00.002-06:00

Creation

2010-03-29T20:44:00.002-06:00

We did projects tonight as a family. Meaning that we cut up magazines, glued things, put stickers on paper... it was fun! I love creating art with my kids and I need to do it a lot more. My favorite is when our house is covered top to bottom with projects we've completed together. We tape them onto doors, mirrors, and once we even attached them to the ceiling. Art is important to me; it makes me happy.

I'd love to post the outcome of our art time, but I have to wait until my little sister opens up her email tomorrow on her birthday! Happy Birthday, Ashley; we love you so.

*Update: Here are Canon and Taesya's cards!

It's called Kouing Aman

2010-03-29T15:33:00.002-06:00

Crrrraving this delicous pastry from my favorite downtown bakery. It's called the Kouing Aman (pronounce keen, I believe) and it is a "a flakey Breton pastry that is a study in opposites: sweet and salty, gooey and crunchy." Les Madeleines is divine, but alas, they are not open on Mondays. You really should give this unique dessert a try; you'll be hooked! Come on Tuesday!!!

I am seriously considering eating this picture....

Like a Box of Chocolates

2010-03-27T07:06:00.000-06:00

I'm 25 years old and I carry a lot of adult responsibility. I have a mortgage, a self-employed husband, and three children under the age of 5. Sometimes I envy those other 25 year olds that I graduated with; I imagine they all live glamorous, simple lives. Lives of less responsibility. Recently I have realized I am wrong.

One 25 year old has had to cope with years of infertility and is now working hard to be considered for adoption.
One 25 year old fell in love with a boy who was called off to war. A whole year she waited to be with him again.
One 25 year old was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She's been through surgery and chemotherapy.

As I heard these stories, I was taken aback that someone could go through such difficulty at such a young age. And I'm stunned at how different each of our lives can be. In my ignorance, I saw only married-with-kids and single-and-interesting. Like every other kid I knew just stayed a teenager or something. Life is more complex than that.

This 25 year old woke up at 5 am with a sick son. I couldn't fall back to sleep because I'm worrying about an audition that I have today, and my other sick child is sleeping in my bed. There is food in my refrigerator, though; and after I eat breakfast, I will say good morning to my good husband. He'll smile at me and we'll work together through the chaos of a morning in our home. There is the burden of responsibility, that I feel on my shoulders everyday, but there is also a great deal of love. And I am grateful for all the love in my life.

I'm grateful for my beautiful children. I'm grateful for my health. And I'm grateful that Heavenly Father sent me trials designed specifically for me; He knows me better than I know myself, for sure.

I want to express my admiration for those out there who are going through something hard. You are strong and resilient; you will make it through this trial. I look up to you.

Opposition in all Things

2010-03-25T06:45:00.001-06:00

Spring has come and I am overjoyed! The sunlight and the energy of Spring lifts me up. I can send my kids into the backyard again; they can dig holes in the garden to their heart's content. (As long as they wash up when they come inside.) I'm really glad that Spring is here.

In Glendale, Spring means a few negative things, though. It means that all the troublemakers have awoken from hibernation, and they leave their mark on the local stores, fences, and traffic signs. Graffiti gets cleaned up fast around here, but I always get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see it. It makes me sad that someone could have such disregard for those around them. Spring and Summer makes these people restless, I guess.

Completely unrelated, yesterday I saw two separate people retrieving used cigarettes off of the sidewalk, and then pocketing them for later use. It was odd because I'd never seen this before and now I saw it twice in one day. Is it the economy? Maybe they were trying to save a buck by recycling cigarettes from strangers? I felt bad for them that they needed this drug so much.

Our front planters have sprouted daffodils, which I must say are a terribly happy flower. That bright yellow just shouts glee. Funny how the dandelions are the same color. To children, dandelions are flowers and are as valuable as daffodils. So according to Taesya's definition, we have 5 pretty yellow flowers in our planter.

I've had almost a week off of the play that I am in. It's been nice to stay home and forget about scene changes, and makeup, and bobby pins. The break did me good and now I am excited to go back. Tomorrow night I will again be back at The Children's Theater downtown. It is a gem of a theater and I love it there.

Have you ever thought how a drink of water wouldn't taste as great if you hadn't gotten thirsty first? Or how your teeth wouldn't feel so great clean if they'd never gotten dirty? Or how a warm blanket would mean so much less without the cold? Keller is still working on getting a mouthful of teeth for himself, and he's having a tough time along the way. Teeth come after the pain. Opposition--man oh man.

The dandelions accompany the daffodils, and the graffiti multiplies with the sunshine. I'm starting to get it. I am grateful for the Spring.

Taesya's prayer

2010-03-24T21:21:00.001-06:00

Imagine a little 4 year old say this, while half asleep:

"Please bless all the plants and people to grow.... but not into giants. Please bless us to get older but also to be young sometimes."

Brought me many smiles and I hope those come your way also. Smile people, its good for you.

Ben

Pretty

2010-03-24T18:19:00.000-06:00

I think these charms are just beautiful.

Mrs. Crawford / Maid #1

2010-03-17T18:26:00.003-06:00

All done up and ready to go -- please won't you come to see the show?

Ben is buying Chick-Filet right now and I am awaiting the van. Late for practice, uh oh. Tonight is our last night to rehearse! Don't you love my little Victorian hair-do?

Current Events

2010-03-15T15:43:00.002-06:00

Taesya is our beautiful daughter, who loves to help. She wants to cook and take care of her brothers. Today she was pouting because we didn't let her clean up Riley's poop.

Riley likes to follow us around, get petted, and lay in various locations. Yesterday we gave him his second bath and it was much wetter than the first.

Canon draws robots, almost exclusively. It makes me glad that all of my children like to color; even Kel is starting to get the hang of it. Art is good for the soul, I believe.

This is Keller reading King Lear. Pretty good for a one year old. He prefers my books to the kid's books. And he will tell you (in his baby language) exactly what he is reading. Today he was perusing Freddy and Fredericka, which is an interesting novel; you might consider giving it a try.

I'm having a rocky day. But I had a really good walk/run with Riley; and the sun is shining. Ben and I are determined to go on a date this weekend, which I know will do us some good. We really have to make a point to speak to one another when life gets busy, or else we just don't. Crazy life.

Children as Dogs and Vice Versa

2010-03-15T07:11:00.001-06:00

1. Even when Keller "says" he's done eating the food we are giving him at the table, he will still try his very best to get at the food that has fallen underneath. Somehow it looks yummier down there?

2. Reported to us by Taesya, in the middle of a digging session in the backyard, Canon pulled down his pants and peed on the grass. Completely random. Where did he learn this from? This was pre-Riley, I promise.

3. When Taesya had her own room, we would find that she had fallen asleep on the floor more often than on the bed. I'm guessing she'd have a firm setting on a Sleep Number bed.

And, as a side note, why aren't there children obedience training classes? I'd pay money for that.

Mean people

2010-03-15T06:55:00.001-06:00

I had a super crummy night at play practice last week. I was trying my best to stay positive, I really was, but when someone is being a jerk, it's tough. Backstage at a play is hectic: moving set pieces on and off, running from one side of the stage to the other, getting ready, avoiding collisions. It's a crazy environment.

But to me, that heightens the need for teamwork and understanding; others, I have found, react with snappiness and contempt. So, I got my fill of mean-hearted chastisement backstage.

I just feel like there are better ways to say things. Really. You can teach people the proper way to do things in a kind tone of voice.

My sister Ashley had a run-in with a mean person this week, too. And it made me sad to hear about. I suppose I don't know the background on these mean folks; perhaps they are going through a hard time in life. I suppose I haven't seen them in another setting, one where they are quite kind. All I have are these short examples from which to form my opinions.

But couldn't they have spoken kinder? Hmm? Couldn't they have paused before they snapped at others? "Where you plant a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow."

Buried

2010-03-12T10:35:00.002-07:00

The worst way to die would be drowning, for me, or being somehow buried alive in an avalanche or something. Any situation where I would feel that lack of oxygen and I'd struggle, suffocate, and lose consciousness. Air is very important to me. Am I the only one who has thought about this?

Our desk has become Ben's home office and it remains in a constant state of paperwork overload. It's really a disaster. There are post it notes and two checkbooks, a sippy cup, used tissues, drawings from the kids, photos to be put in albums, garbage, to do lists of all sizes.... It's a mixture of home life and work life, but it's a big big pile of mess. Whenever I sit down to use the computer, I feel the oxygen being sucked out of the room. I panic, check my emails, blogs, and run away as fast as I can.

It's just such a formidable project and I don't want to tackle it alone. But when do Ben and I have time to work on it together? When we are together, THAT is certainly not the first thing we have on our list. *Sigh*

I have stop this post; it's giving me a headache. I'm really tempted to just clear the whole thing off into the garbage. But probably that's not a very good idea. Bummer.

Google Analytics

2010-03-11T07:58:00.001-07:00

Where is Meridian?

Busytown

2010-03-10T09:52:00.007-07:00

Ben has been working like a crazy person lately. Working all day, then after the kids are in bed, working at night. He's exhausted. But he's happy. I think that he's happier working for himself, making his own decisions, doing what he loves. He worries about money, but he's more content than I've seen him in a long time.

Check out Ben's work at www.bentdesignstudio.com

The Secret Garden (the play that I am in) is going well. We finished blocking last night, so from now on, we're just running the show over and over and over. I love being at the Children's Theater and spending time with all those hilarious people. I laugh every day! And it's awesome to receive such support from my friends and family; so many people want to come see the show--I feel so loved.

If you want tickets: www.tctheatre.org

We have had a dog for almost 4 days now. We adopted Riley on Friday, picking him up in Logan. He is a 3-yr-old Alaskan Malamute/German Shepherd mix. Every day has been a learning experience, for sure. Just learning to understand what he needs is going to take some time. (Does he need to go outside? Or does he just need some attention?) I think I expected that life would be the same, just with a dog; but life is different, and we need to make some adjustments. For example, Ben learned yesterday that doing sit-ups on the floor with the dog in the room is basically impossible. Riley is such a sweetie, though, and we're glad to have him in our family.

Keller has decided to start talking again. He took a long break while he was learning to walk, but now that he's gotten that skill down, he's refocused on communication. He can say ball, book, dog, no no, tickle tickle, mama, dada, baba (bottle), and something that sounds a little bit like Taesya. Anytime he learns a new grown-up thing, he looks so proud of himself. My favorite is Kisses! He kisses me now!

Taesya's still doing great in school. Her teacher wants her to get tested for some kind of more advanced schooling, but I have mixed feeling about that. I really want my kids to be kids, to be able to have fun, avoid all the pressure for a while. Why are we all in such a hurry to grow up? Being grown up is tough. So, for now, Tae's going to stay where she's at.

Canon and I went to Smith's together yesterday, just the two of us. It was a quick trip, but we had a good time. Canon is such a sweet kid. He loves me and we love being together. He picked some Star Wars fruit snacks for himself. Random sticks are becoming swords lately, and half-eaten toast becomes a gun. Should I be worried?

Hope this didn't seem like a Christmas letter; there's a lot going on 'round here.

Take a Deep Breath and Smile

2010-03-06T20:33:00.002-07:00

Courtesy of Taesya Peck, age 4.

Just some yadda

2010-03-04T12:53:00.000-07:00

Keller is sorting socks while Canon watches Cinderella in the family room. I am still in my pajamas and tackling my "list" one thing at a time. My abs are killing me from yesterday. Just some basic sit-up type stuff, but apparently I really needed it. Tae's at school and Benny's working from the library currently.

I bought a new air freshener and it's kind of suffocating me. I want my house to smell nice, but a muted level of nice. Whew, I really hope this thing tones down soon.

I think I offended the sun yesterday. I don't exactly understand it, but I sent Taesya to school with shorts, and I even wore sandals myself. By afternoon the sky and turned grey and today there isn't a ray of sunlight to be seen. There are raindrops on the window and I am seriously remorseful for jumping the summer gun. Please come back, sun, and I promise I'll keep my family wearing pants and socks until May. Please?

Hey, look, Keller's still in Jammies, too. G-L-OO-MY Day. Here's hoping there's sunshine in your corner of the planet.

Take-home treasures

2010-02-28T20:26:00.003-07:00

In Relief Society, we studied a talk by Elder Holland called "Safety for the Soul." I was impressed that in the same way we cannot rely on another person's food storage during an emergency, we also cannot lean on someone else's testimony when the end comes. (The parable of the 10 Virgins came to mind.) I have to build up my own spiritual supply so that in the last days, my heart will not fail me. I need to

"Come unto Christ, and be perfected in him."

Moroni 10:32 is going to be the theme for my week. When all the yadda seems like it's making my head spin around, I want to think of my Savior. He knows me and has faith that I can do good in this world. I will come unto Him, and become stronger and stronger. Church is difficult at this phase in my life, but today I came home with a pearl. I'm so glad.

Breaking up is Hard to Do

2010-02-27T22:17:00.001-07:00

Sweetie,

This is really hard for me, because you know how much I like you. And I don't want you to think you did anything wrong. I love seeing you on special occasions, and on a date now and then, but this live-in situation is just not what's best for either of us. I lose track of my goals when you're here, and I'm disappointed in myself. I can't have this anymore. We have to break up.

You're wonderful; you really are. And I want you to know that I still want us to be friends. But it'll be best for the both of us if you find another freezer. I really hope you understand. You're the best.

Wishing you happiness and whipped cream,
Amber